Today my plan is to talk about marriage, and at the same time try to avoid the trap of talking too much about the politics of marriage. That may be easier said than done. It’s a hot topic both in terms of legislation popping up in various states, and in terms of policy making for many Christian denominations. But for much longer than our time’s particular debate has being going on, the question of who could get married to whom has frequently been a subject of controversy, and the answers have very much been linked to the cultural norms and beliefs of particular places and particular times.

For example, only those cults we think are pretty strange are still OK with men having more than one wife, or with men having very young wives. But in biblical times, having multiple wives, as many concubines as one could afford, and fathering children by your handmaid were not considered to be such horrible atrocities. Over time, we have changed our minds and hearts about numerous aspects of the marriage covenant - addressing things like marriage between persons of different religions, the nature of divorce, and the recognition of interracial marriage just to name a few. And over time, society adapts to changing ideas on both sides of the equation about marriage – the side that says it is a binding legal contract that has to do with property rights and inheritance issues, and the side that says it is a gift from God that allows us to form lifelong and life-sustaining partnerships that are beneficial for the well-being of both partners, their families, and society in general.

Now Jesus very well may have had the same problem I’m having with this sermon and then some as he is confronted again by the religious pundits known as the Pharisees. In an attempt to trip up this religious leader that’s getting way too popular, they ask Jesus his opinion about what scripture says regarding divorce. If he agrees with Moses and says that a man can simply “write a certificate of dismissal and be divorced,” he runs the risk of alienating those who are following him because they hear the unconditional love of God in his message. But if he says divorcing one’s wife for whatever reason is not OK, he will give these scripture quoting religious leaders yet another reason to hate him and wish him dead. Talk about being in a political bind! Will he be sympathetic to the plight of his followers, or will he side with God’s word given to Moses in scripture? It looks like this is going to be a no-win situation.

But Jesus never lets it end that way. I love the way he answers these kinds of questions because he always goes way beyond the obvious yes or no answer they try to pin on him. In this case, his answer to the question doesn’t condemn the divorced, but neither does it allow for us to be cavalier about the break- up of a marriage. Through his words he lets the hearers know that Moses permitted the relative ease of divorce, in particular for men but not women, more because of the peoples’ hard-heartedness than about anything to do with God’s law. Just seeing something in scripture doesn’t make it right. Jesus took into account how that text was affecting real people. Jesus was not about to be tricked into a scripture quoting battle. If the religious leaders really wanted to know what Jesus thought about marriage and divorce, they were going to hear it for real. His biggest concern was not about whether one could legally permit divorce or not. For Jesus, it’s a matter of how we will choose to live out our lives in our marriages or really in any of our most intimate relationships. Will we put aside our hard hearted arguments about what’s right or wrong, or who’s right and who’s wrong and instead focus on the loving partnerships that God intended for humankind right from the very beginning of creation?

Jesus does challenges the Pharisees’ choice of scripture, but he does so by quoting another scripture passage from Genesis about how, in the beginning, a man leaves his father and mother to join with his wife and they become one. Therefore, Jesus adds to that familiar text by saying then, “What God has joined together, let no human being separate.” The Jesus standard doesn’t come from a place of justifying our own cultural norms or setting out for all time what the absolute law ought to be, it comes from a place of holding up a loving standard for what living in close relationships with one another can be when God is at the center.

But even the disciples were shocked by what he was saying. They wanted to know more, to get their teacher Jesus to really say what he meant. They leave the conversation with the Pharisees, but it doesn’t stop there. With them he goes even deeper to indicate that our most intimate relationships will function at their best when they are formed out of the trust that can only be shared by equal partners. The Mosaic Law was about what men could do to women. Instead, Jesus includes both partners as equals in his discussion about divorce. He notes that the break- up of a marriage is pain ridden on both sides and bears ongoing consequences for both husband and wife. He also lifts up the seriousness of the marriage covenant by making such a statement. He understands that marriage is not to be entered into lightly or casually – but with full intent that it will be a lifetime commitment.

Wisely, Jesus refuses to be trapped by some trumped up argument about divorce. Jesus has a different theory of what it means to be in close relationships altogether. Rather than weighing in on the side of legality or morality about divorce, he changes the question. In his part of the dialogue, he re-establishes the whole concept of marriage based on what was true in the garden of paradise, when the very first human being yearned deeply for the companionship of another similar being. God heard that desire and created the second person from the flesh and bone of the first. Both in this story and in the creation narrative found in Genesis - chapter one, partnership, or this concept of “intimate oneness,” is the scriptural design that Jesus would have us most closely model. There’s something about that model of relationship in which two people share all that they are that is holy.

The problem in entering any current debate about marriage is that our tendency is to look for the quantifiable answers – just like the Pharisees did. We want to know who’s right and who’s wrong. Like Jesus, I think that perhaps it’s time to change the subject from an argument about the politics of marriage to being what the church can be, a place that knows just how much we need each another if we plan to support and sustain the intimate trust that comes from the gift of marriage – for all of our marriages. What I read in this text and also in Jesus’ interpretation of the Genesis text is that the Godly intent of marriage is for one human being to find love, support, and help to get through the difficulties of living in the world by sharing that with another person who has the same needs and desires. That level of intimacy is a sacred trust. When that kind of relationship is achieved, it is truly a gift from God, and in that gift, God’s grace makes just about anything possible. Jesus may not have spelled it out for us completely – but I know that becoming one in marriage is possible only when both partners give themselves freely and fully to each other. The apostle Paul likened what he saw best about marriage is to how Christ was in love with the church. Then, and only then, are our sacrifices made out of love, not out of obligation, hard-heartedness, or fear.

And even if you’re single, widowed, or wondering what in the world this message has to say to you – remember that Jesus and Paul were both single, and yet they cared enough to say something about marriage to their disciples and to their churches. Establishing loving, trusting relationships – be that in marriage or with our parents, or with a best friend – those rules don’t change all that much. Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is not envious or boastful or rude. Love does not insist on its own way. Love never ends. Love your neighbor as you love yourself. Submit to one another as Jesus, our Lord, submitted his life to all of ours through the church.

Amen.