“Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?”

I didn’t necessarily grow up with this saying, but I think it’s a wonderfully colorful turn of a phrase. It’s the same principle as comes out in this reading from James when he says, “With it [our mouth] we bless the Lord and Father, and with it we curse those who are made in the likeness of God.” We use the same mouth for good or for evil – and very, very few of us are capable of keeping our speech free of mistakes. By mistakes, I don’t mean using a word the wrong way or pronouncing something with the emphasis on the wrong syllables – I mean the big mistakes – the way we hurt other people with our words spoken in haste or in hate. Astonishing - isn’t it? - that language has been known to be both a blessing and a curse for such a long time.

Now, I suspect that it would be easy for a person of biblical times to be absolutely blown away by the opportunities we have to run off at the mouth. Now it’s not only our tongues we have to tame, but we can just as easily wound others with our fingers on a keyboard in any part of the world. Our negative words can go much farther, much faster and hang out there for an eternity. We have words on TV, the radio, and in multiple print medias that may not always touch me or you – but even when their not directly about us, we may be hurt by the content of the pictures we see or the insults directed to people who generally feel the way we do.

Where are the teachers of our time who will be held responsible for their words? Have we simply abdicated the advice we’ve been given to be mindful of what we say? I know that just about all of you had someone who told you in some way as a child to be careful with your words. If you didn’t, it’s time to listen up now. Words hurt – deeply, sometimes almost irreversibly.

In Mike Yaconelli’s book Messy Spirituality, he tells a story of a woman named Margaret who “lived with the memory of one soul-scarring day in the one-room schoolhouse she attended. From the first day Margaret came to class, she and Ms. Garner, her bitter and harsh teacher, didn’t get along. Over the years, the animosity between them only worsened until one fateful day when she was nine years old, Margaret’s life was forever altered.

That day, Margaret frantically raced into her classroom after recess, late again. Ms. Garner was furious. ‘Margaret,’ she shouted, ‘we have been waiting for you! Get up here to the front of the class, right now!’

Margaret walked slowly to the teacher’s desk, was told to face the class, and then the nightmare began.

Ms. Garner ranted, ‘Boys and girls, Margaret has been a bad girl. I have tried to help her be responsible. But, apparently, she doesn’t want to learn. So we must teach her a lesson. We must force her to face what a selfish person she has become. I want each of you to come to the front of the room, take a piece of chalk, and write something bad about Margaret on the blackboard. Maybe this experience will motivate her to become a better person!’

Margaret stood frozen next to Ms. Garner. One by one the students began a silent procession to the blackboard. One by one, the students wrote their life-smothering words, slowly extinguishing the light in Margaret’s soul. ‘Margaret is stupid! Margaret is selfish! Margaret is fat! Margaret is a dummy!’ On and on they went, until twenty-five terrible scribblings of Margaret’s badness screamed from the blackboard.

The venomous sentences taunted Margaret in what felt like the longest day of her life.” (Yaconelli, p. 45-46)

For forty years, those words haunted Margaret until she realized that she had become them and sought out the help of a wise counselor. The teacher in this story was not the kind of teacher that the book of James is talking about; that’s for sure. Her tongue set a fire, and certainly stained her own soul as she wounded the souls of others.

But James is quick to remind us that it’s easy to become lax with our words. We may see in the story of Margaret, an account almost too painful to imagine, and yet, how easy is it for us on a comment card to say what an awful experience we had at a restaurant! How easy is it for us to complain about a co-worker or spread rumors about our boss! How easy is it for us to discipline our children with words that sting! How easy is it for us to come to church and yet carry those bad habits of our language with us!

Critical words aren’t the same as constructive criticism – we all need to hear about ways in which we can improve – and today I’m telling you this one. Please, please, please watch your words! They have more power than we often realize. Wounding words have no power to change someone else’s behavior and if the only way you have relationships is by manipulation or force, those aren’t relationships. Harsh words simply cut, deeply, both to the person with whom we’ve exchanged words, and to our own spiritual well being.

As a person who deals in words, it is my job to be highly alert, sensitive, and cautious about all the words I use – and inadvertently and unintentionally I still make mistakes. I have to laugh that my son commented the other day that I get paid for talking and he only gets in trouble for it at school. Well, even though I get paid, I can still get it trouble with words – we all can and do. But the best part about that is that the mouth that we use to hurt someone else is the same mouth that can practically undo the damage. Our words also have deep power to heal and to make all things new. With our mouths, our very human, gossipy, lying, cursing mouths, we can offer the very forgiveness of God to one another.

Remember the story of Margaret, after decades of depression and anxiety, she finally sought help and was having the last meeting with her psychologist. In this meeting, her wise counselor asked her to visualize that fateful day to extricate herself from her past.

She said, “Well Margaret I guess it’s graduation day for you. How are you feeling?”

After a long silence Margaret spoke, “I… I’m okay.”

The counselor proceeded to ask Margaret to remember Ms. Garner, every child, every word, every detail of that day at the chalkboard. That part was easy. For forty years, she had remembered every detail.

“Finally when she was done, and the tears would not stop, could not stop. Margaret cried a long time before she realized that someone was whispering her name. ‘Margaret, Margaret, Margaret.’ She looked up to see her counselor staring into her eyes, saying her name over and over again… ‘Margaret. You left out one person.”

“I certainly did not! I have lived with this story for forty years. I know every student by heart.”

“No, Margaret, you did forget someone. See, he’s sitting in the back of the classroom. He’s standing up, walking toward your teacher, Ms. Garner. She is handing him a piece of chalk and he’s taking it. Margaret, he’s taking it! Now he’s walking over to the blackboard and picking up an eraser. He is erasing every one of the sentences the students wrote. They are gone, Margaret, they are gone! Now he’s turning and looking at you, Margaret. Do you recognize him yet? Yes, his name is Jesus. Look he’s writing new sentences on the board. ‘Margaret is loved, Margaret is beautiful, Margaret is gentle and kind. Margaret is strong. Margaret has great courage.’”

“And Margaret began to weep. But very quickly the weeping turned into a smile, and then laughter, and then tears of joy. After forty years, Margaret was no longer condemned, no longer alone, and no longer rejected.” (Yaconelli, p.56)

Sometimes it takes a wise teacher to correct the injuries put upon us by the fools we often meet. May all the words of all our mouths be acceptable to you O Lord, and may the wounds of our hearts be healed by your love, our rock and our redeemer.

Amen.